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July 14, 1995

I am rapidly losing my hair. I believe this is due to stress, however I spend most of my day lounging in the bathtub. Do you know of any worthwhile non-stress activities that might help me to grow all my hair back? If not, some words of encouragement would be appreciated.

It's a stack of baloney that hair loss is caused by stress. Being a teenager was the most stressful time of my life, and you don't see teenagers going bald at the prom. And I've seen Alphonzo running around with his neck veins bulging and his eyes popping out of his head, and he has as much hair the next day as he did the day before. Especially on the back of his neck! It's really amazing!

Actually baldness is caused by bathtubs. I find all my hair in the bathtub after I take a shower. If it was stress, I would find it on the couch after I watch the Twilight Zone marathons. Boy, they don't make those Twilight Zones like they used to, do they? Sounds like this is your problem, you spend too much time in the bath!

But anyway, you asked for some words of encouragement. Ummm. Things will get better. You have your whole life in front of you. Uh... Don't worry, if they laugh at you they aren't worth it. Mmm. Hats can be stylish. How's that?

I've been hearing about reseeding hairlines. I'm excited. I guess it's like reseeding a lawn. But I don't want to smell like fertilizer.

That's receding, Marty. As in retreating, as in going going gone.

If a person is so memorable, why do they have to name a memorial highway after him?

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