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July 16, 1995

Alphonzo, I know that neither gender has perfect individuals, but do you have to put down the entire gender? And, Kelsey, unless you plan to spend the rest of your life on a desert island, how do you plan to talk to men only when no other men are around? Sexism is unfair whichever direction it comes from!

Yeah, that's just the kind of answer I'd expect from a... hey, I don't know if you're a man or a woman!

Give Alphonzo time and he will always prove your point.

I'm not sexist! I want a good relationship! In fact, I've been really patient. But I'm almost thirty, and I'm running out of patience! Did I tell you about that guy that works at the grocery store and keeps asking me out? What a jerk! I just want to know where the heck my soulmate is!

Did I ever mention that humans give me a headache?

Kelsey, I have to find another apartment in Manhattan by August 12. As you may know, the rental market is so tight here, it's mind-boggling! Do you have any advice?

My advice is not to try and cram myself into the same three square miles with 50 billion other people. But since you've written to us before and even sent us fan mail, why don't you tell the readers exactly what you're looking for?

Thanks... NYU grad student, 33, quiet, neat, responsible, looking for Manhattan sublet or apartment share (private room). Prefer Central or West Village (NYU area), Soho, Gramercy Park, Chelsea, but will consider any area. Can pay up to $800/month. Interests: music (all kinds), film, art, literature, Frisbee, browsing the web and reading "Punchy Advice." Must move before August 12. Thanks for your consideration. I have extra tickets to Elvis Costello if that sweetens the deal for anyone. Tom Chao, (212) 674-4623 or (212) 998-7346 (work)

Hmm. I take back what I said about Manhattan.

Is there anything besides the mind that ever gets boggled?

Your feathers are eye-boggling, Ooni.

Thank you, Kauli.

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