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June 27, 1995

I've met this wonderful girl who is intelligent, kind, and beautiful. The problem is that she has fancy tastes and virtually every restaurant and nightclub she likes requires all patrons to wear shoes! I'm going broke slipping maitre'd's extra tips so I can go barefoot! Should I keep doling out huge tips? Or should I dump my true love and hope I find a woman who is not so particular where her boyfriend takes her?

If you ask me, you should go back to that nice girl you used to hang out with. What was her name? Jane?

What does the inside of your brain look like?

I don't know. It hurts when I roll my eyeballs back that far.

I'm a college student and I have never dated a guy before. Part of this is due to the fact that my father does not approve and I don't want to upset him by going out, but also, since I have never had experience with guys, I don't know how to act around them. What do you suggest?

First of all, I'd suggest that if you're in college, you might be old enough to make your own decisions about whether to be dating. Leave your father out of it. Unless this is some kind of cultural thing that as an American I don't understand.

As far as how to "act" around guys: don't act! We're talking real life here. If you act a certain way, some guy will fall in love with your part, not you.

See, guys are all different, and you never know what they're going to like. Take Bradley, for instance. He's given his heart to a woman on the basis of her e-mail, and now he's running off to try and find her. Yes, that's nuts, but I think it's kind of sweet. Don't you? So be real, and some guy like Bradley will... I mean, the right guy will find you.

But what do I know?

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