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June 5, 1995

Why is there no blue food? And, no, blueberries are not blue, they're purple. Thanks for your keen insight.

Thanks for noticing how keen my insight is in the first place. That sure made me feel good. I'm a keener thinker than most people realize, you know. For instance, this thing about no blue food. I've noticed that, too! Yes-siree-Bob, you don't hear many people coming up with that question, do you, except for the rare birds like you and me, Alan. They don't even notice. They just take it for granted, I guess.

Anyway, I have no idea.

What exactly is in curry? How do you prepare a good curry? Can a cat ever be a Dog? What is the best tasting type of Dog? Thanks in advance for your intuitive answers.

As for your first questions, my friend, I invite you to take one of my cooking classes, designed especially for people like yourself. As for your other questions, I advise against eating dog. In America, it is considered a sacred animal, allowed to wander the streets freely.

How do I know if a girl likes me or not?

When she will try any excuse to talk to you. She might even send you e-mail pretending she's a boy, and say her name is your own name spelled backwards. Don't be so shy, Patrice.

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?

Have you done your homework yet?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is present, does it make a sound? Try your calculator on that one!

Dear Smokerise, I have been hearing people parrot that ridiculous question for most of my life, and frankly, I am sick of it! Everybody knows it would make a sound! If there was a microphone and a tape recorder there, you can bet your #2 pencil that you'd hear it on the tape! The air will vibrate whether or not there's someone there to hear it! What is the point of that ridiculous question? It's just supposed to make me think "Oh isn't he clever?" Well, I think it's stupid! Excuse me, Mr. Big-time Philosopher, but I happen to value my brain highly, and I make every effort to use it wisely, and when some fool comes along and tries to tie it up on some pointless conundrum like that, as if I had nothing better to think about, it just burns my toast! It's a disgraceful misuse of a resource! And don't even think of asking "Which came first, the chicken or..."

Bradley...

Huh? Oh. Sorry.

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