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March 6, 1996

How do you tell one of your close guy friends that you want to have more than a friendship?

More than a friendship?

She means, like all ... you know.

Ohhh! All kissy-kissy! Come to me darling and I will festoon you with licks!

Knock it off you two.

Jill, listen, if this close guy friend is the least bit interested, it won't take much! One extra second of eye contact works better than an engraved invitation. I've known guys that thought you wanted their bodies if you were willing to sit on the same couch!

It's important to be clear about how much more you want.

Is it okay for girls to ask guys out?

Ashley, we're in the latter '90s here! Why should it make any difference who does the asking and who does the accepting or rejecting? The idea that only a man can ask is based on the model where the woman can't get what she wants unless she's asked. This implies a subordinate relationship. Enough of that!

I'm not saying men and women should be the same, 'cause I like the differences. But when the "differences" have something to do with superior/inferior, I draw the line.

Just remember, Ashley, that having the right to ask doesn't mean you can expect a "yes." Once you ask, you'll have to face what guys have always faced: the possibility of a rejection. Learn to take it well, girl. And go for it!

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