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June 12, 1995

What do I need to do to improve my business?

I notice you didn't say what business you're in. That's the first rule, you gotta notice things like that. That's why I'm good at business. It don't do much good having a business if you don't tell people what business you're in. That's why you're not good in business. You could've got a little free advertising just now, like "How can I improve my business selling stuffed armadillos, call 1-800-555-234." Unless you're ashamed of it. I had some businesses that I didn't want to tell anyone about.

Beyond that, all you need is a good suit, and don't make your business cards on the Xerox machine.

Alphonzo should know about successful businesses. He's the founder of Farting Telegrams.

Which way is up?

North. Hope that helps!

Should I have one last fling before I get married (I'm engaged now)?

Dear Auric, if I were your fiancée and I knew you were considering that, I'd say go right ahead. Fling yourself off the nearest bridge.

What should I do tomorrow?

Put it off till the next day.

In what direction should I move?

Pardon me, my friend, but were you speaking to me? I seem to have missed the beginning of this conversation.

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